What do I do when my child refuses to go to school?

We get this question often and our starting point is always the same…

Step 0.5: Predict and prepare for these situations by deciding what role you, as parent (s), are happy to play, willing to play, not happy or willing to play and know your reasons for why.

Step 1: Self-regulate before you interact. Especially if you know that this situation is possibly coming, prepare to interact with compassion and not contempt and do that through first practicing your own emotional self-regulation.

Step 2: Engage with curiosity and understand that there is likely something beneath the surface that is more than just someone being oppositional toward school just because they “don’t care/don’t wanna.”

Step 3: Depending on the age and developmental maturity of your child, be clear about what agency they have, allow for natural consequences if you are willing, and know what your parent imposed consequence might be, which could be as basic as not having access to screens on missed days.

Building awareness around the why, and problem solving, builds capacity for change.

Need more advice and tactics? We encourage you to reach out.

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