Secrets of Success: Part 2
What if we said there was one absolute way to control your child’s success?
Well we wouldn’t because we don’t believe one human can control another and we don’t believe parents can truly control the outcome of their child’s success. However, what we do believe is that you as a parent can greatly influence your child’s success, guiding in a positive direction by consistently doing this one thing, living by this one parenting rule, believing and restating this one mantra:
Increase responsibility to decrease entitlement.
Developmentally, adolescents and emerging young adults live in an egocentric stage and the most effective way to battle the normalcy of egocentrism is to increase their responsibility and to teach the importance of reciprocation in relationships.
We encourage you to build a habit around asking yourself, "is what I am doing fueling responsibility or entitlement". Situations in which you fuel responsibility have the added benefit of fueling competence, which is an ingredient in the antidote to anxiety, depression and other challenges we see our children facing.
In our book, H.O.M.E.: Strategies for Making Home a Success During and After Treatment, we go into detail and provide several tools and strategies to navigate the reality that parents naturally tend to be givers and kids tend to be takers; our work as parents is to accept and manage this inherent imbalance.
Additionally, it is crucial to acknowledge how your child is earning their place at the collaborative table, how they are showing their ability to engage in reciprocated ways.
Are they demanding that they have a say or asking to talk about options and negotiating with kindness? What are you doing to encourage and suggest to them that, if they want a say in things, they will need to talk a bit differently about what they are hoping for.
As you consider how your kids ask for, or get, what they want, take honest stock of how much you give your kids and why. Do you differentiate needs from wants? How, why and when do you meet their wants? You can fuel responsibility when you meet needs consistently but require some effort and participation in order for them to get most of their wants.
Remember: Making your 17 year old lunch every day and replacing a smartphone that they break in frustration do not count as meeting needs.
Check out this link to find the Book of Asks, a resource that helps families build a habit around critical thinking and delayed gratification, which can fuel responsibility and abate entitlement patterns for the entire family.
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Solutions Parenting Support, LLC is a nationally recognized parent support and transition program assisting parents and families with straightforward and compassionate skills based support prior to, during and after wilderness therapy and/or residential treatment. Solutions is a dynamic team of parent coaches who have had extensive careers as therapists in wilderness therapy or residential treatment before turning their talents towards coaching parents around the globe. The team is family system focused and are licensed professional therapists and/or social workers each with 15-30 years of experience working in wilderness therapy programs, varying levels of residential treatment programming, and transitional support.