The Sacred Pause
Considering a sacred pause…
Why is this pause “sacred” you might wonder?
Consider this question:
True or False: We are each born into this world with all we need to heal and survive?
Lean into the idea that there is truth in this statement… just even for a moment… then consider that if we cannot pause in the face of our own and our child’s suffering, we cannot connect with the wisdom of our being, and the faith in the wisdom that we see in our children.
This quote from the healer/physician Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D. says it beautifully: “Helping, fixing and serving represent three different ways of seeing life. When you help, you see life as weak. When you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole. Fixing and helping may be the work of ego, and service the work of the soul.”
How do you want your child to feel that you see them: weak, broken or whole?
The sacred pause is necessary if we hope to respond and not react, in service to our families.But how do I start?
There is a step before the pause, and that is building self-awareness and practicing self-reflection so that we are able to recognize when we need to pause. Most parents love the idea of the pause but often don’t recognize the opportunity until it has passed, which is part of the learning process.
If you think back to the last time you wished you had paused, what did you look like? How did you feel? How do you know it would have been a good time for a pause, what is that evidence?
There is a second reason parents sometimes find it difficult to pause, as if they were driven or pulled to continue conflict, conversation etc. What makes it hard for you to pause? How can you own and work through that obstacle?
And how does one actually make space for a sacred pause?
A pause can be brief, or more extended… depending on the situation and resources at hand…
First, Tap the Breaks!
The sense of urgency works against us as parents and personally. This sense of urgency will cause us to dysregulate, giving over our power. It will keep us stuck in a pessimistic lens constantly looking for what is going wrong, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and missing all the wins, and opportunities to encourage and connect. If it is not life or death it is likely not as urgent as we want to make it. Tap the breaks. Take a breath. Do whatever it takes to find your wise mind. Focus on connection. Get curious, not furious.
Take time away from work (if possible) to be more available to yourself and have more time for your growth (check to see if FMLA is an option); dive into learning about yourself - go to therapy, journal, go to yoga, spend time alone; make time to do the things you love.
Amid the whirlwind of responsibilities, allow yourself a moment of stillness. This pause isn’t just a break; it’s a chance to reconnect with your intentions, understand your child’s needs, and respond thoughtfully. When faced with a challenging situation, take a deep breath, step back, and let the sacred pause guide your response. This mindful approach cultivates understanding, strengthens bonds, and fosters a more harmonious parent-child relationship. Embrace the pause – a small moment that yields big transformations in your parenting journey.
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Solutions Parenting Support, LLC is a nationally recognized parent support and transition program assisting parents and families with straightforward and compassionate skills based support prior to, during and after wilderness therapy and/or residential treatment. Solutions is a dynamic team of parent coaches who have had extensive careers as therapists in wilderness therapy or residential treatment before turning their talents towards coaching parents around the globe. The team is family system focused and are licensed professional therapists and/or social workers each with 15-30 years of experience working in wilderness therapy programs, varying levels of residential treatment programming, and transitional support.
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