One of the biggest hurdles to helping a struggling teen or young adult happens when the parents of that teen or young adult are no longer seeing eye-to-eye on how to help their child.
Parenting a struggling teen or young adult is not easy work and it can take its toll on everyone in the family
The relationship can be adversely affected, not only between the parent and child, but also between the co-parents. Unfortunately, the more divided the parents become, the worse the child can sometimes behave. Then, as the behavior from the child worsens, the increased stress can cause the co-parenting team to become even more divided.
It’s the co-parenting Catch-22
When your family home has become a hotbed of chaos with both parents caught up on the emotional roller coaster, it becomes a Herculean task to get along. Sometimes it seems easier to blame, lash out (in frustration), and overreact rather than taking the time to slow down and, then, thoughtfully respond.
While these are understandable human responses a lot of parents have when dealing with extremely difficult situations involving their children, there’s an issue that crops up that’s bigger than the overall health of your spousal relationship.
Struggling teens know that when their parents are divided there are some easy loopholes available for them to divert attention away from themselves and avoid consequences for their behavior.
One of the best ways to close those loopholes and create consistent parenting boundaries is to show your struggling teen that both parents are on the same page.
You might be wondering:
How do we get on the same page when, lately, we are not even reading the same book?
While we don’t have a one-sized-fits all approach, our work with thousands of parents has shown us that there is plenty of hope (and multiple ways) to get you both back in alignment.
Let’s be straight, though. Our approach, as parent coaches, is not to spend a lot of time in the “how does that make you feel realm?”. While the group discussions do address being respectful and empathetic for each other’s strengths and struggles – this is not marriage therapy. This is also not family therapy nor is it therapeutic treatment for your struggling child.
This is a strategy to heal some of the communication breakdowns that, if perpetuated, will only lead to further challenges in the child.
Gives us truly actionable guidance and advice...
We can't begin to describe just how important Hilary has been to us in this process with our daughter. She truly has a gift and a special talent and has helped us tremendously in becoming more aware of our own tendencies and in coaching us on how to truly help our daughter continue her growth. Each week she gives us truly actionable guidance and advice and, more importantly, acts as a wonderful sounding board for our worries and concerns. We owe her so much.
This course will give you the opportunity to grow alongside your child, acknowledging your own strengths and struggles, and doing the self-work that can bring your family back to wholeness.
As a strengthened co-parenting team, you will learn to:
- Practice proactive rather than reactive communication
- Partner up for in-the-moment parenting collaboration
- Not “take the bait” from the child (and what to do instead)
- Create a shared value system so that you can support each other’s “on the fly” decisions
- Repair relationships after disagreements
- Develop compassionate self-awareness so that you can take an honest look at your strengths and struggles within the family system
- Restore trust, deepen empathy and learn to let go (within healthy boundaries) so that you can both re-build healthy relationships with the child
While the solutions work best when both parents take the course together, it’s not a requirement of the course. Much of the focus is on each parent’s own personal growth and the co-parenting team, as a whole, can benefit from just one parent’s engagement with the course.
Strengthening the Intact Co-Parenting Team Details
4 week long online course
When you sign up for this course, you will have private access to the video webinars that guide the learning process. The videos include didactic teaching and action steps. Watch them at your convenience!
The weekly module will be accompanied by written material to support your preferred learning style as well as one or more activities to help with insight development and habit forming. Choose one or all based on what resonates best with you.
You’ll also have a weekly group video conference call to ask questions, gain support and further integrate each topic into your day-to-day life. Throughout the duration of the course, you can email Hilary and other participants for ongoing support and accountability.
This program helped us set a course to be "captain of our ship!"
Strengthening the Co-Parenting Team gave us the support we needed to improve our parenting skills while our child was at Wilderness Therapy. The combination of individual on-line modules and telephone group session with other parents was great! This program helped us set a course to be "captain of our ship" and work together more cohesively. I enjoyed the group sessions with Hilary Moses--it was easier to deal with what we could change in ourselves when we shared and observed other parents struggles. Hilary is great at identifying our family’s struggles, quickly guiding self-assessment, and helping us to set a new, sustainable path. Highly recommended to parents with kids in Wilderness Therapy and those who want to avoid that drastic step.
Parent coaching can make a significant difference in creating a healthy family system. When parents work together with awareness and grace, it trickles down.
This course is for you if:
- You’re scared that things might go back to the way they were before your child entered treatment
- You and your co-parent are currently still living in the same home (we will have a separate course coming up for co-parents who are no longer living together, subscribe to our emails for early notification).
- You are ready to not feel so alone or like you can’t talk to anyone about what’s really happening in your family
- You want to feel confident with parenting boundaries, but you’re overridden with guilt and struggle to keep them.
- You feel much more confident in your position at work or in other areas of your life and wish those same skill sets worked at home
- You’re tired of always being in therapy, tired of feeling like nothing is working and tired of feeling like a failure as a parent
We became a stronger co-parenting team, and we were better prepared to welcome our daughter home.
My husband and I participated in Solutions Parenting Support’s course “ Strengthening the Co-Parenting Team” while our daughter was enrolled in a therapeutic wilderness program. We wanted to find better ways to communicate with our daughter when she returned home. Through reading assignments, course materials, and facilitated telephone and Internet exchanges, Hilary helped us to identify our co-parenting struggles. During the course, we were able to align our parenting expectations and styles in a caring and understanding group setting. Conversation flowed easily, exchanges were lively, and participants remained engaged. As a result of participating in this course, we became a stronger co-parenting team, and we were better prepared to welcome our daughter home and avoid some of the issues and difficulties that created tension in our household before wilderness.
While there is no formula to change a child’s behavior, when a parent engages in a level of personal growth work, the underlying tone of how the family is run inevitably changes.
And with our own compassionate self awareness, we can each show up more often as our best selves for the ones who matter most in our lives.